Intimacy
by Courage1220
Summary: Does Edward really love Bella or is he just using her to stay close to Jacob? But why would they want to be close to each other anyway? Could it be that they're in love with each other? I Dont Own Twilight Read & Review
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1 JACOB POINT OF VIEW**

I sighed as I stared at my open closet and the piles of clothes that were flung everywhere. I couldn't find one decent thing to wear for tonight. I already picked out a pair of faded jeans, but I _could not_ find a shirt to wear with it! I was being picked up in 20 minutes for my date and all I could find was that dark blue shirt. I sighed again as I finally picked it up and tugged it on. I was seriously running low on time. I picked up a brush and ran it through my hair and tied it back in a ponytail. I had just splashed on a little bit of Dad's old cologne when I heard a honk coming from out front. I ran down the hall and shouted to Dad that I was going to study with a friend and was about to race out the door when I heard him call to me. I stopped and turned slowly around to face my dad.

"Jake, you be careful around the Cullens. They aren't what they say they are." I groaned; I absolutely hated it when my dad acted like this. He was always saying the Cullens were lying about what they were. I already knew that. My boyfriend, Edward, let me know that awhile ago. I learned the secret long before Bella even moved up here. Dad didn't know I knew though so I played dumb as usual.

"I don't know what you mean Dad. The whole family is just really strong. I don't see what you mean by they're different!" I did know what he meant though. He meant that they were vampires. And it was true. They were real, live, blood-drinking vampires. Okay, maybe not live; but you get what I mean. Dad was just so prejudiced against them! I'm in love with Edward and Dad just keeps trying to convince me that they're inhuman-which is true- and unnatural- not true. We eat meat because we need to. They drink blood because without it, they'd die. Another thing Dad doesn't know is that I'm gay. I feel bad about keeping it from him, but he's pretty strict about some things! He would flip out if he found out that I'm gay; not even mentioning the fact that my boyfriend is Edward Cullen. Besides the rest of the Cullens, no one else knows.

"Just be careful Jake." He looked concerned, so I sighed. I wish he would just lay off a little.

"Sure, sure Dad." He looked slightly relieved. So hopefully he'll be off my back for tonight. "Dad I gotta go, Edwards waiting out front." He waved me away so I raced out the door towards the shiny, silver Volvo waiting out front. I eagerly pulled open the passenger side door and jumped in.

"Jake! I think you got taller. There's no way though, right?" I looked at him and grinned.

"As a matter of fact I did; by 3 inches; Which means that now I'm 6' 4". Beat that Eddie!" He glowered at me. He hates being called Eddie, which is exactly the reason why I call him that. And I know for a fact that Edward is only 6' 2". He can't grow anymore because of the whole vampire thing so I'm going to be taller than him forever. Forever. That's a touchy subject; like Bella, I want to be immortal so I can be with Edward forever. Edward would change me anytime I was ready; I just don't want to leave Dad yet, not forever. He needs someone to live with and check up on him every once in awhile. Getting around in a wheel chair is tough and he can't do it alone. That's what I told Edward. Unless we can figure something out with Dad, I can't be changed yet. Edward understands that and is trying to help me figure out if there's anything we can do. Until then, we're happy just the way we are.

"Where are we going to go today, Edward?" It was his turn to decide what to do. Last time I picked, we went to see a movie. Neither of us could focus on it; it practically had everyone asleep. Everyone except for, like, 2 people left early. No joke. We decided to just go out to eat after that; which we both enjoyed. We went to the Italian restaurant in Port Angeles that he and Bella went to when she got into trouble dress shopping. Who gets into trouble while _dress shopping?_ I mean, it just doesn't happen!

"Tonight we're going to go on a hike." He smiled smugly. I was thrilled; I knew where we _always _went when we go on hikes. To his beautiful clearing that he found years ago. It was the perfect time to go too! It was mid-spring and the flowers would be mostly full. The wind was usually gliding gently around the meadow and made the flowers dance. Look at me, I'm a poet! I laughed aloud and Edward laughed along with me; he was following my train of thoughts and he knew everything I was thinking. He knew what everything that everyone was thinking: even pretty little Bella. She truly believed she was the only exception to his little gift.

"I know, Jake, but you know that I have to keep up the pretense of being in a relationship with Bella if we don't want people to think we're gay. She gives us a reason to be around each other sometimes. Jake, no! You know we can't do that; not yet." I sighed. He read my mind again. I was thinking that maybe we could come out and tell everyone that we were dating. I'm tired of keeping this a secret and I am _really _jealous that he spends so much time with Bella now; even though I know that Edward doesn't care for her at all. I was pretty focused, and I was more than a little startled when he pulled the car over.

"Tell you what, Jake. Let's compromise. We'll talk about this later today as long as we can have a real date for a little bit, deal?" Then, he smiled that damn crooked smile, the one that always made me do whatever he wanted. Damn him.

"Sure, sure. It's a deal. But we will talk about it later, right?" He nodded once and he reached into the back of the Volvo and pulled out a picnic basket. I grinned knowing that it's just for me. He doesn't need to eat food or drink water. Then I try to figure out how I missed seeing the huge picnic basket that was in the back seat. How do you do that?

"Don't worry Jake. I know you're unobservant. It's part of what makes you so cute." I started to protest when he pulled me close and kissed me once, on the lips. He kept me close for a few seconds, and then pulled away. He kept my hand in his though and he started jogging to the clearing. The actual walk there was no fun; I liked sitting around, talking, and just kissing in the meadow. We finally got there after about a half hour of walking. Months earlier, we found the perfect shortcut to get there. I was right, the wind was perfect and the flowers were blowing everywhere. It was absolutely beautiful.

"Come on, let's go sit somewhere!" I gotta admit, I was so glad to be back here. In the winter it's impossible to get here, so I haven't been here since last fall. I glanced around and saw what I was looking for; a tall, old oak tree. I raced towards it, but as always, Edward beat me there. Damn. I fell beneath the tall tree; literally there was a branch or something that tripped me. But as I was falling, I grabbed Edward's hands and dragged him down with me. I really loved this meadow; we could just be ourselves here. He doesn't have to act like he loves Bella and I don't have to act like I don't know him.

"Clumsy, clumsy Jake. I know you're not exactly graceful, but dragging me with you? " Edward shook his head teasingly at me. I snorted and decided two can play at that game.

"Yeah, well, we can't all be ballet dancers."

"Not fair! You know Alice decided we all had to ballet dancers for a few years! It definitely was _not _my choice!" He sputtered and coughed as he protested. It was hilarious watching the normally perfectly poised Edward sputter and cough. I couldn't believe I finally caught him off guard. Ah, the magic of the meadow. I grinned and laughed as he tried to regain his normally perfect self control. I was kind of hoping that he wouldn't anytime soon.

"Whatever dude, you still promised to let me see those videos; I'm sure Alice would be more than willing to show me them," I smirked, Alice would show the whole school if she wanted to, Edward made her promise not to though. He made a promise to her in return; I just don't know what promise he made to her. I shrugged it off; I'll find out someday.

"You will Jake. When you're part of the family you'll learn everybody's secrets." His golden eyes twinkled as he said that. It makes me wonder _exactly_ what the secrets are that he knows.

"Like yours? Cause let's face it; you're a secretive dude." I leaned closer to him to see if he would tell me more about himself. He _is_ really secretive about his life.

"Hmm, yes, like my secrets." He was being sincere. Man I wish he could just change me now; it would hurt like hell for a few days, but it would so be worth it to live forever with Edward. We always mentioned it a few times when we were here.

"Any ideas about Dad? It's too early to ask what he's going to do when I go off to college. Especially when you think about the fact that I've always talked about being a mechanic and you don't have to go to college for that." I made a face. I really didn't know what I planned to do about leaving my dad.

"Jacob, we're in this together. The rest of the family and I are thinking of everything. Alice claims she has the 'most perfectest idea already!' but she refuses to tell until you're there. She's thinking of such complicated things around me so I can't read what she's thinking." He groaned there. I knew how frustrated it made him when someone was deliberately hiding something from him. I'd done it a few times but I never kept secrets for too long near Edward.

"It doesn't involve me running away, does it? That is really not an option."

"I love how you care so much about your dad. I think it's sweet. Nobody can guess what Alice is thinking usually; even with my gift I still don't understand her half the time." I snorted at that; it was true after all.

"Let's talk about something else now. I told you that Embry quit hanging out with me and Quil right?" After he nodded I went on, "he's starting to look at me the way that Sam and the others looked at him. Do you think I should be worried?"

"Why would you be worried? What do you think is the worst that could happen?" he shifted uneasily and I realized right then that he's hiding something from me.

"Edward, what are you hiding?" He started to protest so I went on, "You never shift when you're uncomfortable. You're never uncomfortable, ever, to be honest. What is it? You can tell me." He nodded ruefully.

"You're far too perceptible for your own good. I'm not sure I would be welcome to tell you why that group has been watching you closely. And I really hope I'm wrong because I'm not sure what would happen between us." When he said that, I shot straight up to my feet. What the hell does he mean that he doesn't know what would happen between us because of Sam's gang watching me?

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"Jake, calm down, I might be able to explain! Just listen to me!"

"What do you mean? I'm so confused!"

"Jake! Calm down! Really, I shouldn't have said anything!"

"And leave me in the damn dark that something might happen to break us up?"

"Let's just talk about something else right now! I promise I'll explain as soon as I can. Please? I can't explain now; don't ask why, I just can't. Not right now." I have to calm down and think. If I get angry and push it now, we'll have a tense date. Better to ask again about it later. I sighed.

"Okay. But later you will explain, right?"

"As soon as I can. Something might happen soon and when Sam or someone from that group tries to explain it to you, I want you to get away as soon as possible and come to me and I'll explain. Promise to come to me?" I nodded and was rewarded with a kiss I pulled away and went to lay back down by the picnic basket where I was lying down at before. I stretched back and rested my head down on my hands.

"Eddie, come look at the clouds. I swear that one looks like a duck!" He came next to me and lay down next to me. He glanced up once at the cloud and turned to look at me funny.

"What? It's so a duck! Look there's the bill thing, and the little feet, and those are so wings!"

"Whatever you say, Jake; if you say that that's a duck, than it's totally a duck."

"Oh yeah, smart guy? What do you say it is?"

"A wolf." Now it was my turn to look at him funny.

"A wolf?" I looked up at it and stared at it for a minute. "You call that a wolf and refuse to say that it's a duck?"

"Listen carefully, Jacob, it is a wolf." Okaaay, it's apparently a wolf. Why does he seem like he's stressing it?

"Hey Edward? Does being a vampire make you psycho?" I think it's an honest question. He really seemed crazy saying that cloud was a wolf.


	2. Chapter 2

This kid just doesn't understand! I don't know how else to drop hints that he's actually a werewolf. Poor guy, I could still see him trembling from when I said we might not be able to be together anymore. I really shouldn't have said that; he'll just worry about it nonstop for a few weeks. At least he promised to come to me as soon as possible after, _if_, he phased. Please, let it be if! If it wasn't I don't know what I would do.

I lay back down beside Jake and gazed up at the clouds. Hmm, now that I think about it, the cloud actually _does_ look like a duck.

"What are you thinking about Edward?" I hadn't noticed that Jake had propped himself up on his elbow and was watching me. He actually could be very observant if he wanted to be.

"I was thinking about that cloud." I pointed at the duck one that he had mentioned earlier.

"Oh yeah; the one you said was a wolf?" he laughed and shook his head. His thoughts said that he didn't believe that I really thought the cloud was a wolf. Damn, he doesn't believe me.

"Yeah, the wolf cloud." He looked at it and squinted while tilting his head.

"I really don't know how you see a wolf in _that _cloud."

"Forget the cloud Jake. It doesn't look like a damn wolf." He was suddenly confused. I didn't have to read his mind to know that.

"Okay? Earlier you said that it _was _a wolf; and now it's not?" He fell back and looked up at the cloud. I could see that he was baffled at that cloud. I'm not doing too well today with watching what I say. Suddenly Jake leapt to his feet. Instinctively I leaped to my feet as well and spun all around to see everywhere around the meadow. I didn't see +anyone or anything around me. I glanced at Jake when I heard his unmistakable chuckle.

"Jake! What happened?"

"Nothing! I just really wanted to see what you would do if I caught you off guard." He was still chuckling which turned into full blown laughter when I glared at him.

"Jacob! That was not funny! You scared the hell out of me!" He just nodded and swayed as he tried to stay on his feet while laughing. I tucked my head down into my chest, ran towards him, and tackled him back down to the ground. We landed on a springy patch of flowers.

"Edward! What the hell was that for?" He was still laughing and trying to pull away from me. That was absolutely _not_ going to happen. I smirked and wrapped my arms tighter around his waist and made sure he didn't succeed in pulling away. He still struggled bravely for a few minutes before finally giving up. He went limp and looked up at me mischievously.

"Okay Eddie. You caught me. Now what?" I heard what he wanted. And since I was in a good mood I decided to let him. I reached up with my lips and kissed him. I didn't unwind my arms just yet though. I loved the way my skin felt when I touched him. Something about the frigidness of mine and the boiling temperature of his created just the right temperature. The increased temperature's not good. He's always had hotter skin but it never felt quite this hot. If he's feeling fine, but he feels this hot, than his first phasing may not be that far off.

"That's what." He wriggled underneath me and tried to escape. "Now Jake, that's not very nice." He chuckled. I decided to let go to lie back down and look at the clouds. It really is relaxing to figure out there supposed shapes. Before I could move past dropping my arms, Jake had me down on my back. Damn him. His speed is starting to worry me too. And considering that he was able to hold me down is also a little worrying. I would say maybe a few more days until he phases.

"Okay Jake. We've switched. What do _you_ plan to do with me?" I saw him smirk and he kissed me.

"The same thing you did."

"Revenge, huh? That's how you plan to get back at me?" I laughed but leaned back anyway. This revenge I was okay with. Unlike the bloodthirsty-I-kill-you-first kind.

"Shut up and just kiss me." I laughed and did so. Finally he pulled away to breathe.

"Damn Jake! I was only away for a few days. And I wasn't that far away. If you needed me I could've been back in a few hours on foot; walking."

"I needed you every day you were gone," He growled. I was really scared now that he didn't even have a few days left as a full human.

"I'm here now Jake."

"I'm glad." He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. I recognized the gesture from when he was sick a few months back. He caught some cold from a kid at his school. It was funny seeing him sit around his house wrapped in a blanket and sneezing into tissues all day. Of course the only way I saw that was from his memories. Someday I hope to see him sick in person. Bella's been sick before but that was boring and a waste of time that could've been spent with Jacob. She made me sit around with her while watching Romeo and Juliet for the twelfth time. I've been keeping track of it. We've now watched it seventeen times total. What the hell is with that? Can't we just watch it once and absorb the beauty of it without dissecting every damn detail and making it look trashy and boring?

"Jake? You aren't sick right?"

"Nah, I think I'm getting over it. A few days ago when I went to see that stupid zombie movie with Bella, I got sick. But I think I'm good now. You're not worried about getting sick from me, are you?" I chuckled for a second.

"Why didn't you call me? I could've come back and you could've come stayed with me. That would've been a lot of fun!" I smirked knowing that it actually would've been fun.

"And risk falling asleep with a bored Ali? That's not going to happen!"

"Relax; she rarely does the same trick more than once."

"She still painted my nails hot pink! And it was some weird never comes off kind. All the guys in school made fun of me for it. They even called me gay." He pouted with those damn lips when he said that.

"But you are gay Jacob." I hoped he understood that but Jake often switched from being really observant to extremely oblivious.

"Thanks for letting me know Eddie. I know I'm gay, but I felt like I was giving too much away when they joked about that." I focused in on his thoughts to see what was really bothering him about that. It surprised me when I realized he was scared of disappointing me if people found out.

"Jake, if people found out on accident it would be okay. We would find a way to get through it together." We would too.

"So why don't we just tell them? Think of a good time to tell the news and just deal with things as they come?" He has a point. "And think about it; how would Bella react?" Damn him, pulling out the Bella card.

"I would love to see her reaction to be honest. Let's compromise: I promise to listen to you and actually think about it if I get to tell Bella the news." He grinned broadly when he heard that I was going to think about it and talk with him about it. I actually have been thinking about it on my own. And every day I think about it, I get closer and closer to saying that we should.

"Deal. Now, can we talk about Bella?" he sighed dramatically and looked at me with puppy dog eyes. I always gave in to him when he did that. It was a little alarming having someone know you and your weaknesses so well. But I trusted Jake.

"How long do you plan to mess around with her before you break up with her? What's going to happen when you move on with me and your family? She's going to want to go too and you might have to explain about, you know, _us_." I briefly smiled. He still was a little sensitive about it. I thought it was cute that he still was.

"Well, if you do a good job convincing me we might be telling her _before_ that time comes." We both grin at that thought. If we decide to go ahead with telling her, we could have some serious fun with planning it.

"That sounds awesome! Maybe we could tell her together?"

"But I'm not even sure I'm ready to come out and say that I'm gay to everyone." Officially at least. But soon I might be.

"But you are going to 'come back' to Forks soon right?"

"Yeah, hopefully within a couple of months. Rose and Emmett aren't sure they're ready to leave Alaska yet so we're trying to convince everyone to come back so our family will be in one place. We just hope we can."

"Me too, Eddie. I like them all."

"Should I be worried about Emmett and Jasper?" I widened my eyes dramatically here.

"I don't think they like guys anyw-Ow!" What was that for?" He looked at me in mock hurt.

"Wimp." I scoffed.

"You hit me!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Maybe I did."

"I knew it! Say sorry."

"Sorry Jake. Forgive me?" I looked up at him through my eyelashes; as Bella said, dazzling him.

"Er, I forgive you."

"Good." And I kissed him again.


	3. AN

I kissed him back and wrapped my long arms around his neck. I gently tugged him down so that we were lying side by side in the grass again. Without breaking the kiss he wrapped his cold arms around my waist. I flinched as I got used to the familiar chill of Edward's bare skin on mine. I was feeling really hot lately; not like that! I meant, like, my skin was too hot, much warmer than it used to be.

"Jake, don't think. You're distracting me," Edward mumbled against my lips. I grinned and tried to push myself away a little. Edward reached out to pull me back to him. I glanced up at the sky and groaned. Edward looked at me with curiosity and confusion written on his face. I loved how this meadow could draw out all of the emotions buried deep inside of him and paint them on his face. The only other place I could see his emotions like this was in his room. His face had changed while I thought that and a slight, blissful smile took its place.

"Eddie, I gotta go soon. I told Dad I would be home at 3 and it must be pretty close to that now." Edward pulled his left arm out from under my side to glance at his watch. He sighed and brought it closer to his face; as if he didn't want to believe that the time was already almost up. "It's 2:28." I glared up at him. "What's wrong, Jake?" He asked in a teasing voice. In my world, you can say '2:25' or you can say '2:30'. I just really hated it when people were that exact with time; And Edward knew that.

I ignored that though and looked at him.

"We have half an hour, Wardo, what should we do?" He jolted up and looked at me with confusion.

"What the hell does 'Wardo' mean? And technically we have," he checked his watch briefly, "31 minutes now." I glowered up at him; again with the exact time. I frowned and sighed. I wasn't ready to go home again. Not yet; I always have much too much fun just hanging around with Edward all day. Maybe I should've told him that I was going to be gone until 5.

"Jake, that would've set even more alarms off if you told him 5; you're already 'studying' for four hours. You barely study for 20 seconds on your own." I glared but nodded begrudgingly. He was right. I can't focus on too much for too long. He grinned triumphantly at me. "Come on, Jake; you know that it will take _at least_ 30 minutes to get back to your house." I jumped to my feet and dusted my jeans off quickly. I couldn't let Dad see that my jeans were dirty from a trip to the library. I don't know how I could explain that one to him as a believable reason.

"When am I going to hear this idea of Ali's?" He shrugged.

"Maybe next Saturday?" I thought briefly to what might be going on Saturday.

"Can't; Dad and Harry are going to host a barbeque. I'm almost positive I can't get out of that one. But maybe I could bring a friend." I grinned as I watched Edward's face light up. "So I can count you in if I can convince Dad?"

"You bet, kid."

"I'm not a kid!"

"How old are you?"

"16." I hesitated when I said that knowing what he was going to say next.

"I'm almost 110. You are _so_ a kid to me." He grinned and pushed me lightly.

"So?" I looked around suddenly when I realized I didn't have a shirt on. And neither did Edward. So that's why I could feel his cold skin so strongly. Huh, wonder how long ago we took them off. I looked around and saw them by the tree we were sitting by earlier. Edward followed my gaze and my train of thought. I took off for them and so did he. I fell and ended up skidding the last few feet until I got to the shirts. Edward still beat me to it, _without_ skidding, and grabbed both of them.

"Jake, I've been thinking; maybe we _should_ let people know about us." I looked up at him and felt my stomach fall when I realized that he was serious. I've spent so long trying to convince him that I never thought that he would actually agree to it.

"Edward, are you serious?" He nodded than continued in a low, serious voice.

"But, I don't want to actually say it; except to Bella. I want to make it more of a game. Like we switch shirts and you tell your dad that we were 'doing something' and the shirts got switched by accident. Or kissing in front of a group of people and letting them guess. Of course, if they don't guess 'gay' then they're all total idiots." I chuckled and looked at him and thought about what he had just said. It would be way easier to just give my dad hints and let him guess than to tell him.

"Can you get Ali to see when my dad will realize that? There is absolutely no way I want to deal with that alone." Edward's golden eyes melted and he pulled me into a fierce hug.

"Of course. I wouldn't want to do that either. Of course Carlisle has known for fifty-something years." He smiled the same twisted smile that I knew meant he was nervous. Or that he was trying to convince someone of something.

"Let's switch shirts and in the car can you call Ali? If Dad's going to realize today I don't want to be there solo. Your butt is going to be there right next to me."

"Does that mean I don't have to be there if my butt is?" He tossed his shirt to me. I grabbed it and tried to see if it would fit.

"Haha, very funny. Are you sure your shirt is going to fit me?"

"I think so. Just keep trying." I finally got it on, but it was a little tight. I caught Edward looking at me.

"Quit staring at me, Wardo; its creepy." He got a weird, sad look in his eyes when I called him Wardo, but it quickly went away. He smiled at me and held out his hand so that we could jog together to the car. I'll be a little late; but who cares?

In the car, Edward pulled out his little silver phone and hit the number 3 on speed dial.

"**Alice, when does- will Jake's dad realize- think that he's-we're gay today?"**

"**Shit!"**

"**Thanks, I guess.'**

"**Bye."**

"Well, um, yeah. He realizes pretty damn quickly. You've got yourself one smart dad." He sucked in a deep breath. I felt like I couldn't breathe for a minute. Today, in less than half an hour, I would have to explain to my dad that I'm gay. And that a Cullen is my boyfriend. I'm in deep shit.

"You know Jake; we don't have to do this today. We can wait until another day." I felt a tremor of nerve wreck through my body.

"If I don't go through with it today, I'll never do it."

"Okay, Jake. If you're sure you're ready." I took a deep breath and I felt the nervous tremors go away. It felt good to make up my mind that I _was_ ready. I didn't realize that Edward was holding his breath until he let it all out at once.

"What's wrong Edward?" He also had loosened his fingers from the steering wheel.

"Nothing Jake; I just thought something was about to happen."

"Like what?" He shook his head quickly.

"Nothing, Jake. Don't worry about it." All too soon, we pulled up to the small brick house… Where my dad was going to learn that his only son is gay.

"Let's go Edward. By the way, nice shirt." It was a little big on him; the Quileute gene's basically promised a muscular build and a tall height. Edward was pretty tall though and muscular, if I do say so myself.

"Same for you, Jacob." I was disappointed to see the expressionless mask that he usually wore was back. But with talking to my dad I doubt that he would be thrilled anyway. "Not true, Jake. Your dad is- uh, very smart? He just doesn't like the Cullen's much. And I understand that."

"Let's hope that he'll like you more after he knows that we're dating." I muttered.

"Don't mutter during this-thing. We want your dad to hear what we have to say. To do that we both need to be absolutely confident." Confident. Right. I can so do confident. "Jake? We're here. Quit staring at the damn tree and come on."

"Can I sta-" Edward shook his head and frowned at me. Damn. "Fine, let's go." I slowly opened the door and started to get out. Edward was out of the car and was on my side before I even touched a foot to the ground. He held out one of his hands.

"If he's going to find out today anyway, can we- can we at least hold hands?" I smirked; I loved how it seemed like the only person who can make him nervous was me. "Yes, it is only you Jake." He took my hand himself and kissed the back of it as I got out of the car and headed for the door.

Dad was sitting by the window and I knew he had seen Edward help me out of the car; including Edward kissing my hand. We walked in and immediately his eyes flicked over our switched shirts and landed on our entwined hands. After a brief, stunned silence his eyes skated back up and he kept glancing from me to Edward; the whole time his face kept getting angrier and angrier.

"Jaco- Edw- Culle- Bla-" Dad couldn't even talk; he just kept sputtering as if he couldn't get either of our names out.

"Dad, we have something we want to tell you." His face was a scary shade of red now and he looked like he was going to explode at someone. "Tell him, Edward."

"Mr. Black, Jacob and I have been dating for about a year now. I'm sure you are not at all happy with this; but please try to understand." Dad looked like he was able to talk again, so Edward quickly stopped saying whatever he was going to say next.

"You two expect me to _understand_ that my only son is _gay_?" Hmm, I'm not sure if he's handling it well or not. I glanced toward Edward and he shrugged slightly, letting me know that he read my mind and wasn't too sure either. "I don't like the idea of this. At all. And I'm sure as hell not going to accept it." I felt my shoulders droop. I was hoping he would at least consider accepting it. Accepting _us_. Edward let go of my hand and instead draped his arm around my shoulder.

Dad didn't bother trying to hide his disgust and disapproval at that. I wondered if half of the disgust was because he was a vampire. I wished again that I could just understand why he was so against vampires, and at that how did he even know that Edward and the other Cullens were vampires. I turned my head and looked straight at Edward's face to see what he thought of the question. He gazed back at me for a moment, than ducked his head in resignation. I realized again that he was hiding something. I wanted so badly for him to be totally honest with me; but I knew that the only way I could do that was to become a vampire. Edward bowed his head in acknowledgment of my thoughts.

"It's okay, Jake." Edward murmured in my ear. Just loud enough for my dad to hear, I noticed. He looked at me and smiled his twisted smile that let me know that I was right. I thought about what that may imply and I realized that he was also comforting me. I rested a little more against his side and he tightened his arm around my shoulders. Dad looked furious that we were doing this in front of him. He pointed straight at Edward and started to speak in his low, gruff voice.

"I want you out. Now. And switch shirts back." Edward shrugged, let go of me, and deliberately pulled my shirt off of his body. My eyes widened as I thought of how mad my father was going to be at that . He handed it to me and turned his back to my father and I saw that his eyes were sparkling. He thought that this was funny. I smiled at him and shook my head.

"Now you." He mouthed silently to me. My eyes widened again and his smile grew wider. I decided that if my dad was already pissed at me I didn't see why doing this would hurt anything. I flexed and tried to pull off his tight shirt. I laughed when I realized that it was much tighter than I originally thought.

Edward mouthed something that I missed. I tilted my head at him again and he mouthed it again, "Need help?" I purposely thought about how angry my dad was and he mouthed that my dad was more confused than angry. I shrugged. Maybe if he saw that we were really in love he would understand. Edward reached out and grabbed the bottom of the shirt and quickly pulled it off. I glowered at how easy it was for him to take the damn thing off. I gazed at his chest for a minute then pulled on my dark blue shirt. He sighed and then tugged on his original chocolate brown shirt.

I took a deep breath and turned to see what my dad was thinking.

He looked shocked and really confused. His hard eyes looked like they had softened just a little bit. Not a lot, but it was like he was thinking of an old memory. He snapped out of it and immediately the hardened look came back.

"Out!" he barked harshly to Edward. I sighed and waved ruefully. He looked at me with an apologetic expression and pulled me into a long hug, let go, and then turned to face my father again.

"Goodbye, Mr. Black," he said formally and left to go back to the Cullen house. I watched as he made it to his car and waved, he knew I would be watching him. I flinched and turned back to my father. I knew what was coming next would _not_ be fun.

"When did this happen, Jacob?" The harsh tone had left his voice and it was replaced with a low, disappointed tone. That was much worse to know that my dad was _disappointed _with me. I knew he would be; but it still really hurt. I saw something flicker in Dad's eyes like he was recognizing something. I watched his eyes widen as he took in how tall I was now. He looked like he knew something was about to happen and he wanted it to happen _now_. He looked regretful for a minute before I saw the steely resolve snap into place. He only got that look before he did something he really didn't want to.

"It happened about a year back." I tried to match his volume, but it didn't quite work.

"A year? You've been dating a Cullen for a year and you decided not to even tell me that you weren't straight? Why not, Jacob?" I flinched when he suddenly raised his voice at the end. I decided to match his volume and yell back at him. Whoever said teenagers didn't think things through? I'm _deciding _to get in a fight with Dad. See, I'm thinking it through.

"Because I knew you would react like this! I didn't want you to be angry but you are anyway! And I knew you would; I was just trying to stop keeping secrets from you! I hated that, you know!"

"So why didn't you just _quit?_ Date a nice girl! Not a Cullen _boy!_" Dad looked like if he could get up from his chair and reach my face he would slap me. He was really angry. I wondered if Edward could still hear my thoughts.

"Quit what? Being gay? It doesn't work that way!"

"And why not, Jacob?"

"Because that's not who I am! And it's not what I wanted."

"It's what _I_ want and what I want, _you _do." I felt my skin burn and my muscles burned like hell! I was so sick of Dad telling me what to do and what to feel! I was 16! I was more than capable of taking care of myself! I felt like I was losing control in a way that I had never felt before. I felt a shudder and I really felt like I was being torn apart at each of my joints. I screamed as I felt a final tremor run through my body and I fell onto all fours. I fell onto my side and curled up into a ball and squeezed my eyes shut until I felt the shaking go away. I opened them and tried to stand up, but I couldn't get back onto two legs. I looked around and jumped when everything I saw was so _clear! _Dad looked weary and a little relieved.

_Jacob? Jacob Black? Jacob? You need to meet us in the woods. We need to explain what just happened. You're not totally human anymore. _

My first thought was Edward. This was what Edward meant. I needed to get away and go to him. He told me to.

_Edward won't help you, Jacob. You __**need**__us. Don't go to him. He will try to __**kill**__ you. Listen to us. Come to us. Come meet us in the woods. _

What the hell is this voice in my head? It needs to go away! I need to get away from this house, from the voice, from Dad, the weird clarity of my sight and hearing and smell. I need to go to Edward. I promised him!

_Jacob Black, I didn't want to do this, but I'm __**ordering **__you to come to the woods and listen to what we have to say._

I noticed the voice had hastily tried to fix its mistake when _twice_ it said 'I' rather than 'we' or 'us'. I felt this _need _to go to the woods. To meet the voice and listen to what it has to say. I couldn't say no. I just had to. I saw Dad leaning down as far as he could from his chair and talking about how I have to calm down. He started to mutter things about Mom, Rebecca, Rachel, and even a little about Edward. It surprised me when he mentioned Edward and it immediately brought up an image of Edward's bare chest as he flaunted our intimacy in front of Dad. I felt the tremors come back and soon I was back to being me. I couldn't see anything as clear anymore. Or hear or smell as much for that matter. I still felt the odd need to let my legs just carry me to where I was supposed to be in the forest. I didn't want that to happen though. I wanted to get away and go to Edward. I couldn't let myself get distracted from that goal though. I needed to talk to him; he would explain everything to me much better than this stupid voice could, I bet.

"Jacob, you _need_ to go wherever the voice told you in your head. You'll learn who it is when you get there." I felt another flash of anger as I thought of how quickly he just let go of the fact that I was gay. I didn't stress about telling him for nothing!

"So now what? You're not mad anymore? Why not? Huh? Why I wanted him to explain. I didn't want to be in the dark about anything! If he could explain why he wasn't mad, he damn well would!

"I'm more concerned about you right now, Jacob!" Damn the stupid need to follow my legs to wherever the hell I was supposed to be in the forest! I hated it! It was making me not focus on getting to Edward! "Jacob! You calm down! You don't want to phase again so soon." What does phase mean? Why won't he explain anything to me? All he's telling me is to follow the damn voice; what if I don't want to follow the voice! I don't want to, but I _have_ to! God damn whoever this is! I want everything to make sense and I know that Edward will help me. I just know he can. Edward can explain to me why everything is so clear and bright. Edward said only vampires are like that. My eyes widened when I realized that he had had the look that meant he wasn't being totally honest that day. Maybe now he can explain everything that he hadn't before. Or at least a little more than he did when I was totally human; as the voice had phrased it. If I wasn't totally human, than what was I?


End file.
